You can't lose if you don't give up

I remember moments in my life when I wanted to give up. Severe anxiety had crippled me for years and no matter what I did, it didn't seem to get better. I never really achieved anything great and the path of least resistance had my name on it. In a way I was pretty lucky, since life just dropped one I-beam after the other in front of my feet. Whenever I felt like life was going nowhere, a magical solution would appear and put me on a new track. Not this time though.

I hadn't learned to push through uncomfortable situations and so my "screw this!"-mindset became the prevalent mode of conduct. Whenever the going got tough, I just left the situation. This time I came to the realisation that when walking through the dark night of your soul, there is no easy way out. The only way is through.

Why am I telling you this? A) Because I believe that true grit can only be acquired through the endurance of pain and adversity and B) because I believe that life should be embraced in its entirety. All of the thoughts, all of the situations, all of the feelings, all of the people. There is no good and bad, there are just experiences and it's your response and your perspective on these experiences, that give them value und meaning. If you start looking at the uncomfortable things in your life, you will realise that it's these things that created the biggest growth and meaning for you.

The question is: "Do you need pain to grow or will you be able to push into your uncomfort zone without it?"

There's something magical about facing obstacles and just not giving up. I think it's just the expectations that we put on ourselves sometimes that makes it so fucking hard to not see the progress you have made. We want the magic pill solution. The quick fix. The thing is that nothing worthwhile in this world will come easy. And at the same time the internet is full of "work your ass off" mentality. But that's not what I am saying. I am saying that instead of hiding under your blanket you could adopt a possibility mindset.

It's your subconscious programming that gives you all of the reasons why trying is "stupid" or "useless". It's not who you are. It's the part of your thinking that has been automated over decades of listening to fears and limiting beliefs of people in your environment. So instead of falling prey to your own programming you could start implementing small changes on a neurological level that will help you shift out of automatic behaviour and into conscious behaviour. Thought and emotions follow behaviour. Not the other way round.

The great Mel Robbins invented the 5,4,3,2,1 rule when she hit rock bottom. Whenever her automatic negative thought patterns were beating her down (with 800k in debt and her husband losing his restaurant business!), she started just counting down from 5 and got into any kind of action that would help her feel good about herself. That could be as simple as cleaning up the kitchen or making that dreaded phone call.

If you combine that with the 1% rule from the famous book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, you will set yourself up for success. It's not the one big thing that you can accomplish once or twice. It's the small and consistent change of behaviour that will pay tremendous compound interest in 10, 20 or 30 years. You just need to be 1% better than you were yesterday. If you wanna be a runner, start running for 2 minutes. If you wanna lose weight, try pushing your breakfast ahead for one hour. If you wanna create financial freedom, invest a small amount of money in an ETF today.

When I went through my darkest days I had the rule to "just do something". It didn't matter what it was, but I knew that the hell of rumination would not change anything. It's a fine line between escaping the situation and shifting your focus to something positive and constructive, but if you have built awareness for your emotions first, I'd always opt for action rather than trying to think your way out of it.

What are the things in your life that feel like you wanna give up on them? And what's a small low-friction action that you can take to move towards solving it? Make a list of the 3 most pressing issues and list 3 things (each) you could do to resolve it. Even if it is just a partial solution.

Even if today is a bad day, or yesterday, the last week, the last month, the last years have been bad. The past is not a predictor for the future, only an indication or a momentum. It's up to you to change it and you have that power in you. You just haven't learned to utilise it in its entirety, because life is just way too comfortable for most of us. Start to be your own adversity and push yourself into uncomfortable actions. That's the only way your nervous system will learn that you are not helpless. In fact, you are powerful beyond measure. You just don't see it yet :) Happy Monday!

Much love,

Jan

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