The Fear of Being Different: Holding People Back from Their True Potential

I've been through hell the last 6 years. I was struggling with debilitating anxiety and depression and even though I had moments of hope in between the darkest days of my life, it didn't seem to get any better. For some reason though it gave me the fuel to push harder for living a life that is true to my heart. I wasn't able to work in an office anymore and so I focussed on building my own business. During these last years I have learned a lot and constantly tried to improve my condition. Without seeing results for a very long time.

Becoming the best version of oneself is a common goal for many people, but fear can often hold us back from reaching the desired future ideal. The fear of being perceived differently from our past is rooted in the subconscious, causing us to continue to present ourselves in a manner we believe is accepted by our environment. However, the only way to reach our full potential and become our true selves is to break free from these fears and embrace the suck that comes with change.

I didn't really have a choice. life kinda pushed me into it. I don't think I would have come to the same results if it wasn't for the crisis of the last years. Some people need a wake up call like I did, but that's not necessary. You can drive change every minute of every day. Our biological heritage primes us to fit in and be useful to the social group we're in. It makes us stick to what's commonly accepted rather than what's true. Going against these unwritten subconscious programs is always creating cognitive dissonance. But it's the only way to find out who you really are.

Jim Rohn famously said, "It's better to be yourself and let people see the real you, than to be someone you're not just to impress them." By embracing honesty and expressing one's true self, the noise that keeps individuals stuck in their familiar patterns will diminish, and they will be able to connect with their true identity. People's opinions do not define them, and their future self can be vastly different from what they initially expect. As people gain experiences and wisdom, their view of their future self will continue to evolve and expand. 

The journey towards becoming one's desired future self is a continuous process of growth and change. Even when individuals have a clear vision of their future self, as they move towards it, they will experience changes in their values and beliefs. This truth can be frightening, but it is essential to move forward with honesty and not be deterred by the opinions of others. By staying committed to their vision and being flexible in their approach, individuals can continue to grow and evolve towards their true potential.

The key to breaking free from fear and reaching your full potential is to focus on freedom. Dan Sullivan's concept of the Four Freedoms, which include freedom of time, money, relationship, and purpose, highlights the idea that freedom is primarily an internal experience.

I believe that the first step towards freedom is gaining control of one's time and using it in a meaningful way. When I started freelancing I soon came to realise that I can make the same money as an employee in half the time. This lead to greater control over money and time, but as soon as I was freeing up my time it became evident that a true purpose was still missing. Having enough time and money is great, but it won't give you peace and happiness. Only by integrating relationships and purpose you're moving into a direction of holistic and healthy personal growth.

Harvard psychologist Dr Robert Keegan has a three-step model for personal growth and self-development. The first step is a socializing self where individuals strive to fit in and be accepted. The second step is an authoring self where individuals develop their own perspective and goals. The third and most rare step is a transforming self, where individuals collaborate and create something greater than what they could achieve individually. We need an overarching goal or vision of our lives, so that we know that the very thing you are doing right now makes sense from a higher perspective. 

I found out that it is of utmost importance to be committed and flexible at the same time and embrace an anti-fragile approach to personal growth. The biggest obstacle to success is often the fear of how others will react to your choices, but by focusing on expanding one's sense of purpose, you can overcome this fear and reach your full potential. By embracing your true self, you will find the freedom to live life on your own terms.

Before You Go...

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My mission

My mission is to empower people to discover their true selves by freeing them from the mental and social constraints that hold them back, and to assist them in becoming their best selves.

Products that I LOVE 

• Readwise: I love reading and enjoy using a variety of devices, such as my Kindle, physical books, phone, and computer. Previously, I used Evernote to store my notes from books, but it was time-consuming to maintain and not very effective for reviewing the material. Readwise is a helpful tool that connects to my Kindle and automatically saves all of my highlights. Additionally, I can use a web clipper to save information from the internet. I receive regular emails with randomly selected highlights, which serve as helpful reminders of the key points from my reading. This helps me retain more knowledge and not quickly forget most of what I've read. Overall, Readwise has been a great resource for deepening my understanding of the material.

• Vitamin D3K2: There are many factors that can contribute to vitamin D deficiency, particularly in the winter. I personally experienced a deficiency that was so severe that it took months of taking 12,000 IU of vitamin D to reach the lower end of the recommended range. It is important to note that if you are taking vitamin D, you should also take vitamin K2 to ensure that your body can absorb the vitamin D. I am a strong advocate for supplements, as I have learned through extensive testing and research that most people do not get adequate nutrition from their daily diet alone. In my opinion, vitamin D is a crucial supplement that everyone should consider taking, regardless of their lifestyle. It is relatively inexpensive to test your vitamin D levels and the supplement itself is also affordable. In my experience, clients who felt sluggish and began taking 10,000 IU of vitamin D daily reported feeling better within two weeks. However, please keep in mind that this is not medical advice and it is always important to consult with a healthcare professional before starting any new supplement regimen.

Disclaimer: The links provided for the products mentioned in this list are referral or affiliate links, which means that I may earn a commission if you choose to purchase the product. Thank you for your support.

FREE e-book

The Anxiety Playbook is an article that provides a comprehensive overview of anxiety and its effects. It explains the different types of anxiety and outlines the physical, psychological, and social impacts that it can have. Strategies for reducing anxiety are provided, including relaxation techniques, mindfulness exercises, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Additionally, the article explains how to get help for anxiety and provides tips for managing it. Finally, the importance of self-care, creating a supportive network, and staying connected to one’s emotions is emphasized to help readers cope with anxiety. Through this article, readers will gain a better understanding of anxiety and how to effectively manage it.

Dive Deeper with a Coaching

On my journey through the dark night of the soul I had many great teachers and mentors on my side. I spent thousands of Euros (and still do) on coachings and every cent was worth it. I don't think I would have been able to turn my life around so quickly without the help of these amazing people. The value you are receiving from working on removing emotional blocks, limiting beliefs and toxic thinking, can't be measured in money. 

Most people only need 6 sessions in 3 months to generate dramatic outcomes in their lives. It's not like I teach them new things or have a bullet proof process. Quite the opposite is true. I believe that structure and process can help, but in most cases you're limiting life and all of its wonderful ways to create miracles for you. I am working on an intuitive level and combine all of my experience and knowledge from freeing myself. 

What my clients are saying about working with me

Clara, Startup Founder: "Through his own very real ordeal and great listening skills I felt understood and that he was able to level with me in a way that felt authentic and unlike other help I’d previously sought in this area. I was inspired to pursue my own happiness (not overnight) and today can say, nearly two years on, living in a different country with a life full of love and running my own company - doing something I love - I’m really glad we met."

Felix, Startup Founder: "Jan is an extraordinary human being and an outstanding coach. Through our coaching, he helps me tremendously with personal growth and always has practical guidance at his hand."

Zahid, Startup Founder: "Jan is an incredible listener. Through several conversations with him, I have gotten a huge amount of clarity about where I’m looking to go with my business, and how I can overcome personal and professional challenges."