The Game of Life: Creating Your Own Reality

As I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death for the past six years (RIP Coolio), I have come to realize how important it is not to let external circumstances define your perception of reality and, as a result, your emotional world. Our brains are like sponges for new information and will react to suggestions if we accept them as true and real.

The good thing is that it is completely up to you to decide what you want to experience in this life. I believe that visualization is an excellent tool to pave neuronal pathways in your brain to prepare for the life you desire. You might think this sounds like wishful thinking, and indeed, it does. I am not suggesting that you can simply dream up your life. What I am saying is that everything you see in this world was once a thought. If you want to be happy, start with happy thoughts, not with buying a new car.

On my journey through the darkness, I had one vision for myself: to use all that I was learning during that time to help CEOs of big companies bring about change to their company culture. I imagined turning them inside out and helping them see themselves for who they truly are. In my mind, I walked straight into office buildings, passed by employees who looked at me and wondered, “Who’s that guy!?”

To turn that vision into reality, I began coaching founders and consultants to gain some experience. I also started writing articles about my experiences to find the right audience and communicate my truth. Then, one day, an old friend sent me a message. He wanted to talk to me because he had read one of my articles and felt like he was going through something very similar. A couple of days later, we met at his marketing agency’s office.

We sat and talked for almost two hours about his anxiety and how it was crippling his self-confidence, making it difficult for him to successfully pitch to clients. He shared how his marriage was falling apart, and how he felt like life was controlling him, leaving him with no time for himself. It was only when I left the office that the thought occurred to me: I had just experienced my visualization for the first time!

“But Jan, do you really think that you deliberately created that experience from thought alone?” my friend asked. “Yes and no,” I replied. “I do believe that it is important to prime your subconscious mind for the experiences you want to have, so that the actions you take feel more natural and automatic. If I didn’t believe I could be that guy, I wouldn’t have even started. Every article would have felt like a huge burden and when coaching others, I would have felt like a fraud (I still sometimes do!)”

You can create a game out of any situation in life as long as you can mold your mind to incorporate certain aspects that a game entails. And if that game is fun for you, then life becomes more enjoyable because you start playing rather than being played. The importance behind this is that we live in a world where it’s either create or be created. If you cannot mold your mind to create your own reality or your own game that you enjoy playing in life, then your mind will be molded to play external status games that society has created for you.

And these are things like going to college, getting a job, or taking another structured approach to life that someone else has laid out for you. But that may not be the best fit for you, and it just leads to unnecessary suffering, pain, and not enjoying your life because you’re following the steps that someone else has presented to you. And that may not align with the goals that you personally have in this lifetime. 

Because that’s just the thing, sovereign living, autonomous living, or just being independent in building your own thing, your own way of survival, is difficult and uncertain. The mind craves order and certainty, so if there is a path that is easier, more certain, or more secure for someone to take, that’s where the masses flock, and that’s where 99% of people go.

The times are clearly changing. More people are choosing to work remotely and pursue their own ventures. The flaws in the system we have created are revealing themselves, and we can’t patch the old game fast enough. School curriculums, can’t keep up with the creator economy, where individuals educate others on how to pursue their own path and not get trapped in the conventional employment system. 

So, whenever you encounter a problem in your life, don’t just focus on the problem itself. While awareness is an essential first step, it is not the key to change. The key to change is to shift your focus to what you want to experience instead. Regardless of your beliefs about Bitcoin for example, there is a problem in the system, and someone saw that. Now, individuals and small teams are building solutions to create a better banking system. And this is happening at break neck speed in all of the major areas of our lives. 

Start small and start with the general. Above all, you want to be happy, right? Focus on that feeling of happiness and start imagining moments in life that make you happy. Nurture that feeling and strengthen the neural pathways for that emotion. With time, you can become more specific with your desires, but training your mind to focus on pleasant emotions and making them accessible on demand is crucial to emotional well-being, if you ask me.

You will notice that as you retrain your identity and align your actions with this new emotional reality, sustainable change almost happens automatically. If you’re a smoker trying to quit, instead of focusing on quitting, envision yourself as an athlete and imagine what an athlete would do. Combining a new emotional reality with a new identity is a surefire way to achieve lasting change.

The best part is that this approach doesn’t require much investment. You can use the time you spend worrying about your problems to instead focus on the other side of the coin and imagine what it would feel like to have your problem solved. Even if it doesn’t work, it’s still more enjoyable than worrying about the worst-case scenario, and that is a victory over your inner monkey in itself.

Before You Go...

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My mission

My mission is to empower people to discover their true selves by freeing them from the mental and social constraints that hold them back, and to assist them in becoming their best selves.

Jan's Recommendations

• Readwise: I love reading and enjoy using a variety of devices, such as my Kindle, physical books, phone, and computer. Previously, I used Evernote to store my notes from books, but it was time-consuming to maintain and not very effective for reviewing the material. Readwise is a helpful tool that connects to my Kindle and automatically saves all of my highlights. Additionally, I can use a web clipper to save information from the internet. I receive regular emails with randomly selected highlights, which serve as helpful reminders of the key points from my reading. This helps me retain more knowledge and not quickly forget most of what I've read. Overall, Readwise has been a great resource for deepening my understanding of the material.

• My favourite reads (constantly updated)

Disclaimer: The links provided for the products mentioned in this list are referral or affiliate links, which means that I may earn a commission if you choose to purchase the product. Thank you for your support.

FREE e-book

The Anxiety Playbook is an article that provides a comprehensive overview of anxiety and its effects. It explains the different types of anxiety and outlines the physical, psychological, and social impacts that it can have. Strategies for reducing anxiety are provided, including relaxation techniques, mindfulness exercises, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Additionally, the article explains how to get help for anxiety and provides tips for managing it. Finally, the importance of self-care, creating a supportive network, and staying connected to one’s emotions is emphasized to help readers cope with anxiety. Through this article, readers will gain a better understanding of anxiety and how to effectively manage it.

Dive Deeper with a Coaching

On my journey through the dark night of the soul I had many great teachers and mentors on my side. I spent thousands of Euros (and still do) on coachings and every cent was worth it. I don't think I would have been able to turn my life around so quickly without the help of these amazing people. The value you are receiving from working on removing emotional blocks, limiting beliefs and toxic thinking, can't be measured in money. 

Most people only need 6 sessions in 3 months to generate dramatic outcomes in their lives. It's not like I teach them new things or have a bullet proof process. Quite the opposite is true. I believe that structure and process can help, but in most cases you're limiting life and all of its wonderful ways to create miracles for you. I am working on an intuitive level and combine all of my experience and knowledge from freeing myself. 

What my clients are saying about working with me

Clara, Startup Founder: "Through his own very real ordeal and great listening skills I felt understood and that he was able to level with me in a way that felt authentic and unlike other help I’d previously sought in this area. I was inspired to pursue my own happiness (not overnight) and today can say, nearly two years on, living in a different country with a life full of love and running my own company - doing something I love - I’m really glad we met."

Felix, Startup Founder: "Jan is an extraordinary human being and an outstanding coach. Through our coaching, he helps me tremendously with personal growth and always has practical guidance at his hand."

Zahid, Startup Founder: "Jan is an incredible listener. Through several conversations with him, I have gotten a huge amount of clarity about where I’m looking to go with my business, and how I can overcome personal and professional challenges."