Loneliness, Pleasure and Intentionality

Anxiety has been a great teacher for me over the years. The dark night of the soul yielded much in terms of insight and positive values. However, the challenge remains that when you think you've overcome it, it will resurface to test you further. Spiritual growth is an infinite journey, but the good news is that you can't lose if you don't give up.

Recently, I had one such experience. I thought I was stronger and better and could give myself a break. So I booked a flight to Fuerteventura and randomly chose an Airbnb in Corralejo, a hotspot for digital nomads. All of the lessons I have learned over the past few years have demonstrated to me the importance of having good people around me, being close to nature, and being in an environment that is inspiring. I initially thought that I could simply book a flight and stay at a tourist destination and be okay.

But my mental state soon turned against me, only confirming my newly acquired sensitivity. Despite my desire to make this work, I was unable to do so. I weighed the pros and cons and concluded that it might be beneficial to experience these emotions again and attempt to accept that I had caused this situation due to my ignorance and unintentional choice making. On the other hand, you could argue that there was a lot of intention behind this decision when you consider that I had not yet learned the lesson of making decisions from a higher self and fully integrated it.

The trauma that had been activated was from my childhood. I was so homesick on a week long school excursion that I completely disconnected from my body. That was the first time I experienced a state of intense anxiety; a state so overpowering that it left me paralyzed. I was aware of the reason I was feeling these emotions once more. I had neglected to take into account my inner child and how sensitive it was, as well as how much it desired meaning and connection. Therefore, the only plausible course of action for me was to book a flight for the following day in order to leave.

It's a fine line between avoiding a feeling and making sure you're taking proper care of yourself. Only when I was mid-flight did I realize this decision was an act of self-love. I'm a big fan of hell assessments, a way of looking at a potential future that gives you chills when you think about it. The universe was sending me a message in the form of a tall, blonde man 25 years older than me--sitting on the other side of the aisle. It took me a while to understand what the message was.

He told me he had just spent 6 weeks in an all-inclusive hotel and was filled with dread by the end. He went on to describe how people were drinking themselves to oblivion, which made him feel even lonelier. He had been living on the German Island of Sylt and had recently lost his summer job because he had fallen in love with his boss's wife. He had no contact with his children anymore and wasn't even sure how old they were. The only thing he was concerned with was whether he should book two or three weeks for his diving holiday in Egypt.

Then he uttered something that sent a chill down my spine: "If you desire to lead this type of lifestyle, you must have psychological fortitude, for it can be an extremely lonely experience. But it can also be quite enjoyable." I consider this to be a hell of sorts, solely seeking pleasure for the sake of pleasure and self-gratification without any inkling of serving others. I don't want to be psychologically strong enough to endure isolation. I want to be resilient enough to go through difficult times, but I don't want to be disconnected from people or abandon those closest to me.

The man who could have been my older self in an alternate reality just confirmed my decision. He showed me how crucial it is to stay true to my deepest self by seeking meaning and connection in every choice I make. It doesn't matter where I am; it won't be the sun or the ocean that brings me joy, but rather, being in alignment with my true self.

What's your intention for the week? 

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The Anxiety Playbook is an article that provides a comprehensive overview of anxiety and its effects. It explains the different types of anxiety and outlines the physical, psychological, and social impacts that it can have. Strategies for reducing anxiety are provided, including relaxation techniques, mindfulness exercises, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Additionally, the article explains how to get help for anxiety and provides tips for managing it. Finally, the importance of self-care, creating a supportive network, and staying connected to one’s emotions is emphasized to help readers cope with anxiety. Through this article, readers will gain a better understanding of anxiety and how to effectively manage it.

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On my journey through the dark night of the soul I had many great teachers and mentors on my side. I spent thousands of Euros (and still do) on coachings and every cent was worth it. I don't think I would have been able to turn my life around so quickly without the help of these amazing people. The value you are receiving from working on removing emotional blocks, limiting beliefs and toxic thinking, can't be measured in money. 

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