Being a loser can be a winning strategy

Many of us seek to have a rich and varied life, but in doing so, we may neglect the quality of our experiences. Our lives become consumed with busy schedules, active social lives, frequent travels, and ambitious goals, leaving little room for self-reflection. Society promotes this frenzied lifestyle through various mediums, such as movies, shows, news, books, and social media, ingraining it into our culture.

However, is this way of life truly beneficial for us? Unfortunately, living a simple and quiet life is often looked down upon and seen as unremarkable, unsuccessful, or boring. This makes it difficult to appreciate the intentional and rewarding nature of a modest and peaceful lifestyle.

However, for some of us, this type of lifestyle can actually be a redemptive pursuit that requires immense discipline and wisdom. 19th century American transcendentalist writer and philosopher Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."

Thoreau dedicated much of his life and philosophy to advocating for the value of simplicity, self-reliance, authenticity, and breaking away from the influences and conventions of modern life. He not only wrote about these concepts, but he also lived them. After rejecting the expected, traditional career paths and befriending the founder of the transcendentalist movement, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thoreau spent years living by himself in a cabin in the woods on a piece of Emerson's land. There, he led a simple, quiet, secluded life, focused solely on himself, his surroundings and on what he believed he truly needed and valued.

He spent most of his time focusing on his passion for writing, reducing his material possessions to a minimum, separating himself from the social and cultural world, and immersing himself in nature. This intentional way of life allowed him to write his magnum opus, Walden. Reflecting on his time alone in the woods, he wrote, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."

It's easy to desire a good life and success, but how often do we pause to consider what that really means for us? How often do we evaluate how it feels from the inside, rather than how it looks to others? At its core, success simply means accomplishing a predetermined goal or task, but what defines a good life for each of us is something that we need to carefully contemplate.

It could be argued that being successful in life depends on mindfully setting an overarching goal for how you want to live and then living intentionally in accordance with that goal. Thus, both those who live a quiet, modest, and simple life, and those who lead a busy and culturally significant one can be equally successful, as long as they are intentionally pursued.

The only case in which one is unsuccessful is if they are living unintentionally and without purpose. Therefore, examples of failure can be found in any conditions and circumstances, whether in the highest thrones or in a small cabin in the woods. However, it is also true that some of us may find ourselves in situations beyond our control, such as financial, mental, or health constraints, and may be required to live in ways that are not necessarily preferred.

Many of us prefer a busy and materialistic life, but for those who don't, it may be worth considering whether we are giving our time to things and people that don't align with our values. If we are sacrificing time that could be spent on what truly matters, then perhaps we need to simplify our lives or make necessary changes.

While we may have to give up some time to undesirable tasks, it's important to reflect on how much time we're giving and why. Time is a precious commodity that cannot be regained once lost, yet we often waste it without much consideration. We guard our possessions, but we freely give our time to people and things that don't add value to our lives. It's time to start valuing our time as the precious resource that it is.

We can turn to the teachings of great thinkers like Thoreau and Emerson to understand the importance of being intentional with our time, focusing on our internal experience of life rather than external factors like material possessions or the opinions of others. Thoreau wrote, “I am convinced, both by faith and experience, that to maintain one's self on this earth is not a hardship but a pastime, if we will live simply and wisely."

Sometimes, we may not need to take on more responsibilities or go to every social event or follow the latest trends. Instead, it may be more beneficial for us to simplify our lives by reducing our to-do list, calendar events, and social engagements to a few important things and people. Living an exciting life means being excited to be alive, not always being busy with activities. There is no point in living a life that we do not enjoy, especially if we have the freedom to choose how we live.

Living a life of authenticity, spending meaningful time with loved ones, and maintaining sanity and kindness is a great virtue and heroism. However, it's important to acknowledge the difficulty of such a lifestyle, especially when faced with societal and cultural expectations that may pull us in the opposite direction. It can be tempting to follow the crowd and define success and excitement as others do.

Nevertheless, we should strive for truth and values, which may lead us to a life of simplicity, independence, and a connection with nature, as Thoreau did. What matters most is not where we look for inspiration, but rather, why we look there. A successful life is not defined by important meetings, high social status, wealth, or fame, nor is it solely based on leisure time.

Rather, success lies in living a conscious life that is authentic, self-reliant, and adaptable to our own unique vision of how we want to live. Ultimately, the only true failure in life is not living how we want to live to the best of our ability.

Before You Go...

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My mission

My mission is to empower people to discover their true selves by freeing them from the mental and social constraints that hold them back, and to assist them in becoming their best selves.

Jan's Recommendations

• Readwise: I love reading and enjoy using a variety of devices, such as my Kindle, physical books, phone, and computer. Previously, I used Evernote to store my notes from books, but it was time-consuming to maintain and not very effective for reviewing the material. Readwise is a helpful tool that connects to my Kindle and automatically saves all of my highlights. Additionally, I can use a web clipper to save information from the internet. I receive regular emails with randomly selected highlights, which serve as helpful reminders of the key points from my reading. This helps me retain more knowledge and not quickly forget most of what I've read. Overall, Readwise has been a great resource for deepening my understanding of the material.

• My favourite reads (constantly updated)

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Most people only need 6 sessions in 3 months to generate dramatic outcomes in their lives. It's not like I teach them new things or have a bullet proof process. Quite the opposite is true. I believe that structure and process can help, but in most cases you're limiting life and all of its wonderful ways to create miracles for you. I am working on an intuitive level and combine all of my experience and knowledge from freeing myself.

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Clara, Startup Founder: "Through his own very real ordeal and great listening skills I felt understood and that he was able to level with me in a way that felt authentic and unlike other help I’d previously sought in this area. I was inspired to pursue my own happiness (not overnight) and today can say, nearly two years on, living in a different country with a life full of love and running my own company - doing something I love - I’m really glad we met."

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