Rescue Yourself First

As a coach, I am often confronted with the issue of clients saying "I don't know what I want". I believe that the over-consumption of self-help gurus and motivational coaches has overwhelmed most people. I myself fell into this trap, feeling the need to achieve something big and extraordinary to feel good about myself. The problems of the world seem to grow bigger by the minute, and I wanted to be a part of creating positive change.

At some point, I became so overwhelmed with my own healing process and my irrationally high expectations for myself that I ended up doing nothing. If we want to change the world, we must start by rescuing ourselves. Your light can only shine on others if you work on your own shadow and prioritize your own happiness and well-being. This may sound egotistical, but it is not if you consider that you can only pour from a full cup.

For many people, a high degree of idealism or a "helper syndrome" stems from the "good child" complex. As children, we internalize the belief that in order to be loved, we must behave in a certain way. The result is a constant feeling of stress, as we worry that our behavior might be seen as "bad" or "inadequate." We consistently seek others' approval in exchange for being loved or externally validated.

In this mode, your worth is defined by how well you play your role. You consistently feel an overall sense of emptiness, often wondering who you are and what you truly want from life, since you have spent so much time living up to the expectations of others.

I am a huge fan of journaling and regularly reviewing my goals and values on a quarterly basis. While I use an OKR (Objectives and Key Results) format, you can simplify the process to avoid feeling overwhelmed by its complexity. In my opinion, the most crucial part is being completely honest about your values and ensuring that your actions are aligned with them.

Dr. Daniel Amen's "one page miracle" can be a powerful tool to help you find clarity and define what you truly want in life. The "one page miracle" is a single page that summarizes your life's purpose, values, goals, and daily actions.

To start, ask yourself what your ultimate goal in life is. What is the legacy you want to leave behind? Write it down in one sentence at the top of the page. Next, list your top three values. What is most important to you? These values should guide your decisions and actions.

Then, write down your long-term goals, including both personal and professional aspirations. These goals should align with your life's purpose and values. Break down each goal into smaller, achievable steps, and assign deadlines to hold yourself accountable.

Finally, list your daily actions. What are the small steps you can take every day to work towards your goals? This can include things like exercising, reading, networking, or practicing mindfulness.

The "one page miracle" serves as a roadmap to help you clarify your vision and take actionable steps towards achieving your goals. It can also help to identify any areas where there may be a disconnect between your actions and values. By regularly reviewing and updating your "one page miracle," you can stay focused and motivated on your path towards a fulfilling life.

If that still feels like too much, choose one area you want to improve and define a daily ritual that will help you get there. Devoting just 20 minutes each day to this task will gradually set you apart from the 95% of people who don't take consistent action towards their goals. For instance, I need to enhance the cash flow in my business, which involves reaching out to potential customers - a task I find unpleasant. However, if I commit to doing it for just 20 minutes every day, it will gradually help me overcome my stagnation.

What is the one thing you know you should be doing, but aren't? Start with one minute right now. Do one push-up or skip one snack today - whatever it takes to get started.

Before You Go...

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My mission

My mission is to empower people to discover their true selves by freeing them from the mental and social constraints that hold them back, and to assist them in becoming their best selves.

Jan's Recommendations

• Readwise: I love reading and enjoy using a variety of devices, such as my Kindle, physical books, phone, and computer. Previously, I used Evernote to store my notes from books, but it was time-consuming to maintain and not very effective for reviewing the material. Readwise is a helpful tool that connects to my Kindle and automatically saves all of my highlights. Additionally, I can use a web clipper to save information from the internet. I receive regular emails with randomly selected highlights, which serve as helpful reminders of the key points from my reading. This helps me retain more knowledge and not quickly forget most of what I've read. Overall, Readwise has been a great resource for deepening my understanding of the material.

• My favourite reads (constantly updated)

Disclaimer: The links provided for the products mentioned in this list are referral or affiliate links, which means that I may earn a commission if you choose to purchase the product. Thank you for your support.

FREE e-book

The Anxiety Playbook is an article that provides a comprehensive overview of anxiety and its effects. It explains the different types of anxiety and outlines the physical, psychological, and social impacts that it can have. Strategies for reducing anxiety are provided, including relaxation techniques, mindfulness exercises, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Additionally, the article explains how to get help for anxiety and provides tips for managing it. Finally, the importance of self-care, creating a supportive network, and staying connected to one’s emotions is emphasized to help readers cope with anxiety. Through this article, readers will gain a better understanding of anxiety and how to effectively manage it.

Dive Deeper with a Coaching

On my journey through the dark night of the soul I had many great teachers and mentors on my side. I spent thousands of Euros (and still do) on coachings and every cent was worth it. I don't think I would have been able to turn my life around so quickly without the help of these amazing people. The value you are receiving from working on removing emotional blocks, limiting beliefs and toxic thinking, can't be measured in money.

Most people only need 6 sessions in 3 months to generate dramatic outcomes in their lives. It's not like I teach them new things or have a bullet proof process. Quite the opposite is true. I believe that structure and process can help, but in most cases you're limiting life and all of its wonderful ways to create miracles for you. I am working on an intuitive level and combine all of my experience and knowledge from freeing myself.

What my clients are saying about working with me

Clara, Startup Founder: "Through his own very real ordeal and great listening skills I felt understood and that he was able to level with me in a way that felt authentic and unlike other help I’d previously sought in this area. I was inspired to pursue my own happiness (not overnight) and today can say, nearly two years on, living in a different country with a life full of love and running my own company - doing something I love - I’m really glad we met."

Felix, Startup Founder: "Jan is an extraordinary human being and an outstanding coach. Through our coaching, he helps me tremendously with personal growth and always has practical guidance at his hand."

Zahid, Startup Founder: "Jan is an incredible listener. Through several conversations with him, I have gotten a huge amount of clarity about where I’m looking to go with my business, and how I can overcome personal and professional challenges."